Baby steps

74,8 kg

Made it through the weekend. Not very gracefully, though, I must admit. 

I went to the gym for an hour and a half on Friday and did a very good lower body workout. Later that night watched a movie called “Silver Linings Playbook” and ate popcorn. Lots of it. But absolutely NO CANDY OR CHOCOLATE.  No sugar if you don’t count the sugar in strawberries I had earlier. So Friday was good. I made it.

On Saturday and Sunday we had friends over for dinner. I love to cook and bake. You do the math.

Since I do get regular exercise I’m not going to cut down on regular food. A glass of red wine with dinner isn’t going to kill me either. You think I could resist the warm blueberry pie with ice cream for dessert? Of course not. (Nor could I say no to a tofu ice cream at a shopping mall earlier that day.)

On Sunday I caught myself reaching for a bowl full of chocolate while cooking dinner. I was able to stop myself then. Had my usual glass of red with dinner. The lovely meringue blueberry cake I had baked for dessert was to die for. I had two large pieces.  

So why do I bake if I can’t resist eating what I bake? I have a reputation to stand up to. I love to bake and people love what I bake. What if I stopped baking? Would I be less good of a hostess? Why would I have to stop something I love?  I just need to learn portion control. Or maybe look for alternatives that are loaded with something else besides sugar and butter.

Today’s a new day and my next trial wont’ be until Saturday when I help my friend cater her son’s confirmation party. Maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to psyche myself to stick to the healthier choices. There’ll be salad and I’ll be too busy to eat much anyway, I hope.

Whatever it’s worth, my weight came down a bit since Friday.

Sugar. My greatest enemy. My life-long passion and temptation. I hate you.

75,2 kg

That’s 3,2 kg more than 2 months ago. Well, I do have my period but can’t blame it all on that. Mostly I can blame it on the chocolate, the cookies, toffee, liquorice and whatever sweet we’ve happened to have in the house lately. After work, they attack my hand and forcefully enter my mouth. After that it’s too late to go look for my spine. I keep going back for more until it’s gone

Sugar, it’s so addictive.

Last night my belly looked like I was 9 months pregnant. Of course I suck it in 99% of the time. But the spare tire around my waist can’t be sucked in. I wish I had the money to have it sucked out. Of course that would be a waste of money since it would probably come right back on. Every morning this week I told myself: today’s the day when I drop sugar. And I did well until I came home from work and realized I had a piece of chocolate in my mouth while cooking dinner.  Then another. And another.

I’ve read all the books on losing fat, detoxing your body, VLCD, Atkins…  You name it. I’ve done it. I’ve lost hundreds of kilos over the past 20 or so years. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. Detoxing seemed to be the least extreme and best for me. Thanks to a detox plan I stopped drinking coffee which I never really liked. I also lost my cravings while on a detox diet. So that’s the route I’m taking now. Drop the sugar in all its refined forms.

The holiday season worries me a bit, though. We have a wedding and 5 confirmation parties to attend plus family coming over from the U.S. for two weeks.  All within a 6-week-period. I know I will take some downfalls but getting back on track is my main concern.

I was able to lose 8 kg in four months and my weight was down to 72 kg at the end of April. I want to weigh that or even less again. Why? Because I felt great when I did. My self-esteem was way high. I was able to wear tight tops. My jeans didn’t feel like they cut me in half. Yet I’ve kept popping candy into my mouth. I do eat salad for lunch and a protein shakes after exercise. Chocolate in between. Why??!! Because I’m an addict. Sugar addict.

It’s time to kick sugar on its unhealthy butt and give my liver a nice, long rest. In return, it will reward me by burning fat more effectively. That's what I'm hoping. Also, I need to start getting more sleep. That'll be easy with friends visiting for the weekend. I can already hear the bottles of red popping open...